I started this post two weeks ago..

     I started this post two weeks ago.. and then I got the feeling that I sometimes do where I'm like, "fuck everything..." , after that I do nothing positive or in line with what I would if I was in my right mind....  I like how I write these things as if someone is actually reading them. I should probably put information on here that you'd normally have to pay for or something equivalent to the amount of time you might have spent perusing my blabs... I actually came to the realization a few days ago that I might be bipolar... like, really bipolar. Hmm..I'm going to see if the VA can tell me whether I qualify for any medical benefits.. cause I doubt there is any other way I'll be able to see a doc for this. Anyway... I figured I'd pick this back up. Its not like its killing me to release all of these words onto the internet. Deuces Folks  

-Anicus-

My Quest for Power

     This might sound crazy, but when I look at my life, I can see that almost everything that I ever did was an attempt to gain power. (in the most general of terms) I've seen and experienced so many things, good and bad, because I wanted power. ...Let me define power first.. Power-noun- The ability to do something or act in a particular way.. 

     Politicians have power, but thats not really the power that I'm looking for. I don't value or view authority as anything other than something that is recognized by a majority as "something" 

     I've wanted the kind of power that you see your favorite super heroes using, the kind of unnatural power said to be possessed by  some of the strongest military forces like the Navy Seals and Marines, or the power that the true believers in God and our savior Jesus Christ have, and even the power that the practitioners of magic and demonic communication have.. I've wanted this kind of power for quite a while now. .. My attempts to acquire it have taken me to the military... to universities and colleges.. to spiritualism and satanic worship..and its taken me to the Bible and to church too. 

     To me, being human, is being "just" human... and that isn't good enough for me.. we're weak the way that we are now... and stupid.. things that kill us today like cancer, disease, time..anything that you can think of .. I want power over those things.. I'm entirely content with dying at any point in time because if God finds me acceptable in his sight.. I will have partially achieved my goal.. Who knows.. I could get to heaven and realize that there was never really anything spectacular about the so called "power" that I risked my life, limb, and salvation for from the beginning.. 

-Anicus