Even though I'm legally an adult now..all I want to do is run away from home..

     Sometimes I feel like walking away from everything... I mean this quite literally. I want to forget about what society says I should be, what my parents want me to be, and just pick a direction and begin walking..No credit cards, money, identification, or cell phones.. No distractions..Maybe then I'll find purpose... You might say, "why would you want to do that?"

     I don't have any other real long term goal other than not burning here on this planet after the second coming of Jesus Christ... But I find myself struggling to stay on track. There are so many things that I want to do that I know, based on my morals, I can't or shouldn't do and an even greater number of things that I really don't want to do in this life. I honestly feel that almost everything about life, as we know it, is cheap and short-lived. The things that used to be good especially..like marriage and education, the arts like music, and drawing, and cooking..even healthful living and church and truth.. It all seems a bit skewed and unnatural...

     I grew up being called crazy and, to be honest, I don't mind at all.. I'm pretty sure that there is some mental disorder in the DSM5, or whatever number they're on now, that describes an individual who would rather be totally isolated than cope with a complete lack of interest in a normal life, (as society would describe normal). I'm also sure that you'll find a mental disorder of sorts that describes a person who is blinded by an irrational but comfortable outlook on any given subject simply because "everyone else" is doing it too..

     If I ever disappear, this will most likely be why. I'll take my bible with me and some clothes and necessities for self sustained living.. The only thing keeping me here is the idea that God has blessed me with so much that so many others do not have.. I would hate to appear before God in the end and hear him ask me what I did with what he gave me.. So .. if I ever do up and disappear,  just know that I did it with every intention of returning as better and more Christ-like individual..

If  anyone reads this, please  pray for me..I feel so lost sometimes, without a sense of direction and I often find that I have very little interest  in "anything". I'm looking for clarity and purpose..they're so seemingly elusive though >_<

- Anicus